It’s 3:30pm on a Thursday afternoon. My six-year-old client’s mother breathlessly rushes though my office door. “Sorry”, she puffs…”We had to stop on the way, he was hungry.” She then hands a McDonalds Happy Meal over to her son. “I got him a Happy Meal”, she guiltily admits while cringing… “Is that bad?” Without batting an eyelash, I nonchalantly reply: “Only bad that you didn’t bring me one.” The mother breathes a sigh of relief knowing that I’m a pragmatic woman of logic and reason and not a curmudgeon of hypocritical judgment. These days, I find it interesting as to how fast food has become such an unthinkable and grotesque food option for all children. First of all, let me preface that my client looks about 10lbs. underweight and should eat these chicken nuggets and fries stat. Second: he’s hungry. Third: They came straight from school and needed to find something quick and easy to fill his tummy. Done. As a Mom, I know that preparing artesian kale smoothies and farm to table veggie bento boxes with organic fruit kebabs are not practical on days when I’m rushing to get things done and out the door. I’m a realist and a far cry from judging anyone who wants to indulge in a little junk food from time to time. That’s right, in my family…we dabble in a little McDonalds mischief from time to time. Picture it: we take it to the park, spread it all out on a picnic blanket, consume it, and have a marvelous time. Afterwards, we play and feel fine and don’t have a moment of regret. And none of us are overweight or has a pathological penchant for fast food.

As a therapist and a Mom, I find it bordering the absurd over the amount of worry we borrow for ourselves when it comes to nutrition. Of course it’s true, we are in a national crises of childhood obesity and need to be mindful of the food we eat. That said…We need to be mindful not deprive-ful. Most notably, the degree of mindfulness needs to be ascertained based on a child’s particular temperament. It is important to note that most children (not all), are innately mindful eaters. They evaluate and judge whether to eat something based on its look, taste, and texture. Even then, when they enjoy eating something, they don’t necessarily eat until they are full and stuffed; they typically eat until they are no longer hungry. Furthermore, food selectivity comes with the developmental territory! For children, it’s a part of sensorial and autonomous growth so don’t be appalled if she doesn’t like grapes today when yesterday she couldn’t get enough of it.

For many children (like many adults), food is a sensory experience. Hence the contributing reason to why we’ve gone to great lengths to make our children’s food look fun and alluring while at the same time tasting good. A feast for the senses if you will, such as meatloaf muffins with mashed potato frosting, or baby bird meatballs resting in a nest of spaghetti, or one of my favorite go-to food aesthetic: Mummy dogs. Just log on to Pinterest and search for: “fun food ideas for kids”. Prepare to be bewildered and amazed all the while feeling slightly horrible about yourself. Regardless, don’t feel bad if you haven’t paddled in food cross-dressing fetishes. Some children enjoy food without the seduction of frills and flourishes. They don’t need to derive hunger cues from a banana wearing a raisin spectacle, mustache, and top hat while dancing on a peanut butter monkey. Nor do they require their shrimp entrée to be dancing in a conga line boarding a noodle train with pea rocks strewn about. Can you picture all the Pavlovian humor potential here? Sheesh, I see a mouse’s face and I’m suddenly salivating for pancakes!

Beside my aforementioned area of eating temperaments in mainstream children, there are some other types as well. Among these temperaments is starting with the lovely unicorn children. You know…the low maintenance ones? The ones you don’t have? The same children who slept through the night within a week of being born and potty trained themselves at 16 months? The ones who will eat anything, anywhere, and at anytime without the two-minute tap dance solo with begging (okay threatening) petitions. Food is in harmony with the senses just as it should be. Lucky them. I bet their mothers do daily Kagels as well.

On the other hand, there is a subset of children who enjoy food to the point of addiction. These are the eating habit outliers that require mindfulness eating habits the most. These are the children with the propensity for obesity and food additions. And I do believe that obesity is a form of addition. Its etiology and roots lay in the same neurological nursery along side other forms of addition (e.g. alcohol, drugs, gambling, sex, etc.). Here, parents do have their work cut out for them, as they will have to monitor many of their child’s eating habits all the while removing the taboo of food in order to avoid falling into the forbidden romance trap with food. The parents of this subset will have to address many of their own predispositions and track behavioral triggers in their children.

Conversely to that temperament, there are the highly selective and intense sensory eaters. From hunger strikers to “how-are-you-still-living?!”–Children. Behaviorists have tried to tackle this texture and taste issue with some success by installing a positive reward contingency system (Take a bite of green bean, get an M&M, take a bite of mashed potatoes, get an M&M). Although this works with some children, it’s not a one-size fits all approach. Some children do not comply with this motive and would rather refuse all access to toys and treats to avoid taking a bite of a hamburger. Let me remedy, it’s a sensory issue. For many reasons still unknown to us, the taste and texture doesn’t feel right to them. Do not grieve over him not experiencing the ambrosia of what is called “a burger”…he may someday, but all senses point to “no” at this time. To this, I say do your best, get calories in as much as you can, keep exposing new nutritional foods but allow at least one meal a day where they can eat what they want. Have at it darling.

As I rest my case, let me just repeat what my dear depression era grandparents often endorsed when it came to food: “Everything in moderation”. Most of us are trying our best and it’s okay to indulge in a whipped cream shot straight from the can from time to time. Find the dietary balance that reflects common sense within your household. Do what works using your best judgment and trust that judgment. I say let’s give ourselves a break, shed the guilt, and let them eat fries.